and made me write this post...(casual reader consider yourself warned)
Ive been here before, uncomfortably. In the complicated spirit of Job..
Hurdles. Real life circumstances. Applying for work in positions that you know you're overqualified or too mature for. I'm not well connected and cant honestly produce 4 names as references. I know that nothing really sets me apart from the rest of the applicants who : 1.don't have prior convictions, 2 have served in the armed forces, 3 who have gaps in their employment history 4who are currently enrolled in college and 5don't have dependants. however I'm not eager to present my best self to just be skimmed over. I'm not interested in being in the shuffle with average individuals who tend to idolize their employers. I cant afford to be classified by my credit history. I cant afford to be the job or the game when I'm applying for work. That happens all the time. Something you don't agree with will suddenly blind your views about who i am and what i could bring to your company. I cant sell myself to someone who has a superiority complex and leans too heavily on the fact that they have the ability to hire or fire someone without reason. I cant afford to be the center of attention for that ''trial period'' where everyone smiles and tells you you're doing great and wants to have coffee with you and tries to open you up. Im troubled at the idea of being hired at a new place as a potential replacement for someone that is on the way out the door for poor conduct at an establishment. I cant afford to be around people that have starved egos and suddenly take an interest in me. I cant afford to be around people who are miserable and need someone to blame. I cant afford to be around chauvinists. My presence, more times than not, becomes a reason for hidden predjuices and insecurities to surface. Maybe i just need to figure out a way to not see these patterns although Its soo obvious to me. Especially the familiarity thing : you know, where the color of my skin or way i speak or where im from or gender or relationship status scream about who i am without me saying a word.